lost thoughts

i been alive now for 20 years .. its funny .. I'm told I'm young .. but yet i feel old in side .. and i have lots more to look forward to in life .. but what i been thro is fucking crazy but I'm glad i had you all that are still with me here in my life .. cause if it was not for you ppl i would have been someone really different .. and who knows if i would be where i am today or not .. but I'm glad i am where i am and i have you all in my life .. i just wanted to thank you all for helping me become who i am today .. and i look to the great doors that l have not yet open .. .. i often wonder what is be hide then .. and i get closer every day .. but one day they will be open and i hope you all are there for when it happens… thank you all for everything .. 

20 years time has come and gone in my short life so far and i have seen so much for the years to where i feel old .. but yet I'm told I'm young holy shit i wonder how much i will know when i am old haha .. it will be a great journey the rest of my life .. 

when you come back you say things that make me laugh but at the same time i wonder if i even should.. you did what you did and i forgive you for it .. btu should i let you make me smile or laugh .. what you did was something you should have not done alone but you did and you hurt so many other doing so .. but hey I'm still here all the time .. for now at least

all the thoughts i have and so lil time to have it all down before i fall in the dark .. but yet i still feel empty in side lick something is missing but i don't know what it is .. maybe its ambition .. maybe its the special person in my life or maybe its cause i have not thoughts of anything anymore .. but one day i hope that it will all change .. and i won't have to hide from this back smile 

i let the blood drain from my body .. i watch it drip off my finger tips .. i don't wish for it to stop I'm hopping for it to keep going so that i will be free .. but then i see that it starts to go back in to my arm .. i start t feel life for a moment .. but yet then i feel like i shall .. blank lifeless and lost in the dark .. i watch the blood flow into me .. and so i do another to watch in drain from me and drip from my hand .. then i reach out to you and what do you find a bloody hand asking for forgiveness .. but i know you won't do so .. cause i lost you .. for now I'm lost and watching the blood drip from my lifeless body